Today has been emotional. I can’t be certain as to why. It feels like it came on out of the blue. This Wellness Wednesday post has nothing to do with essential oils and everything to do with mental and emotional health – my second favorite topic to discuss.
When was the last time you had a good cry? Prior to today, I can’t recall the last time I had a good ‘ol sob. I have had a few things on my mind over the last couple of days and apparently the sum of it all was affecting me more than I realized.
Last week marked three years that my dad has been gone. Three years that cancer claimed the win because the warrior was too weary to continue. Over a decade of fighting will do that to people. Last week was also our son’s fourth birthday. He is our world and we want the best for him. There is a development where Bug is concerned that is forcing our hand on some decisions that my husband and I thought we had a few more months time before we needed to act on that has me reeling a little. We will figure it out, no doubt, but it isn’t ideal and is very uncomfortable to say the least.
This week I put my mom on a plane to the Philippines by herself. That sounds ridiculous, she is a grown woman, yes. She was on a mission to prove to herself that she could make this trip by herself, without my dad… for the first time in a very, very long time. We dropped her off at SFO with a backpack and her phone. The 16 hour flight isn’t as bad as it sounds, especially since she has made that flight with children in tow before; flying solo would make this a cake walk. Once she landed I was able to connect with her and check in while she navigated the local bus system…2 busses and another six hours of travel on the ground. Then finally, 24 hours nearly to the dot later, she was home with one of my uncles.
This is why my mom is my hero. She was my dad’s hero too. She is as hard headed as they come and as defermined as all hell when she sets her mind to a task. The words to describe just how proud of her I am fail me. I keep thinking that my dad would be so proud of her too. In fact, I know he is. He visited me in a dream today. I don’t often get visits from my dad so the fact that I did so soon after my mom got home isn’t lost on me.
My mom said that all the brothers came over last night. Just as they would have if dad was there. I keep thinking that there is going to be a lot of tears for so many during this trip. It is the first time they will get to hug my mom since my dad passed. This is the first time my mom is going home to the house he built for her without him. This is the first time my mom will have come home since my grandma passed away. All of these thoughts flooded my system today and the tears started flowing. The dam of emotions broke wide open and my eyes leaked and leaked and leaked. And I felt it all.
Sometimes wellness is about riding the waves of emotion by being present and thoughtful. Feeling it all. That is where my mind and my heart was today. Those tears that were shed were my self care.